Ask Charles: "What does he mean in this text?

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Dear Charles: 

I received a text from this guy I've been dating. We've been seeing each other for the past six months exclusively. He says "I love you" (he also said it first, I made sure of that), but tonight he tells me that he needs some space. He says he loves me, but he's not in love with me. He wants to take a break for a while... meaning a few months, but he wants me to wait for him while he figures things out. What gives?

—S

 

 
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Dear S— 

It's been six months and he  tells you he loves you. Now, he's spooked and wants space? Okay... maybe. That's sounds a little like deflection and doesn't effectively communicate what's really going on in his head, but people get to things as/when they do.

The red flag: He wants you to wait.

I see... so what he's really saying is: "Baby, I love you... but only kind of... and I want some space to go do whatever/whomever I want. But you? Yeah... you need to wait. right. here. Don't see anyone, don't sleep with anyone, don't do anything that involves another man.... and when I get good-and-ready, I'll be back (maybe... I haven't decided yet, because it depends.)"

Sorry... but I call bullsh*t.

My gut: He's doing you a favor. Take his need for "space" as a gift... and recognize that this break is actually a break-up.  Go do your thing... and if/when he comes back... you can decide if you want to be available then. But I will say that anyone who plays these games is [usually] just warming up. There's more game-playing behind that... and I would advise you not to find out.

 

  Choose your path

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