Comments on: The wandering eye… is it the wife’s fault?

By: JT

JT — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:50:21 +0000

It is beyond me that someone would be so full of themselves and put themselves above other women simply because they were born with a perfect face, better metabolism, or have the “look” of the week. Then to add insult to injury, thank other women for being not as attractive as she is because she happens to be younger, skinnier, or knows how to paint her face better… WOW! If it makes her “man” feel good about himself because other men are looking at her (because of superiorness) it’s seems to me that maybe it has nothing to do with other women. I hope she just wrote this article to stir up controversy because if not she’s truly is superior, not only at inflicting nasty slashing wounds at women who were born less fortunately, but she’s really good at other stuff too, like mastering one or two of the seven deadliest sins, besides being so naturally way too good looking. Can I be her when I grow up?
And by the way if a woman cheats on her husband it’s his fault right? Because he wasn’t good looking enough for her! Thanks for all the great advice, and for being born what a gift you are! I’m so moved!

Don’t give anyone an excuse for bad behavior!

By: A new mom at 27

A new mom at 27 — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 02:24:17 +0000

I think everyone has a little something good to say about the issue, however there are two things that stand out the most to me, they are, that men are instinctual and biologically driven to be evaluating the prospects,sort of speak. However man kind have a responsibility as human beings and more over as children of God to have better self control of their drives, especially if it does not nuture the relationships in their lives,most of all to the number one relationship that is shared between a husband and a wife. It is very true, that we each (men and women) need to take care of our bodies,for the personal care and love we each need to show ourselves, but as it pertains to the issue of women letting themselves go…. not every women responds similiarly to having children, or some of lifes issues that can cause weight gain(car accidents, athletic injuries,etc) (as well as what body size a particular man finds attractive on a particular women) but everyone does have a choice, men have a choice to look at other women b/c their women have gained weight,(for whatever reason) instead of talking to their women,and taking a look at themselves,and their treatment of the relationship(like the author said) because really the real issue is about the true nature of the love you share w/your spouse, and " the ability to see the essence of your partner"(also as the author says) and the ability for a couple to fullfill the needs that each is having in as loving a way as possible. this is the commitment we make in front of God,to God when we choose to marry. If there has been a break down in this system, then maybe the issue is of another sort all together. Men can choose to look at other more inshape women, but who is to say that this is ok in any circumstance,unless these men are not married,and have not yet made an official committment, this makes sense,and in this case,just move on. I do agree w/the author, if you are in a relationship w/a man that has a wondering eye,it is b/c he is choosing to do so,instead of working through issues and disatisfactions together. Irregaurdless a women should still take the time to care for herself wether her partner is helping to meet some of her intimate needs,and even still if you feel you are trying to fullfill your partners needs and are getting no return., it is obvious that weight is rarely ever really the issue or cause of a wondering eye. A women too can make a choice, after some time and making an honost effort in her relationship as well or as often as the circumstance calls for(married more so,not married up to satisfaction). That choice would be to stay in a relationship with your current man, or to exit it.In marriage God calls us to stay in the marriage and love the relationship,in almost all cases, except of course infidelity, and physical abuse. The author is making a perfectly good point,but this is such a hard topic, especially for a world that is so shallow, and demanding of instant gratification. We all fail to make enough effort in loving eachother for what we are inside first and foremost, the flesh is just a benefit of the living. ( oh,i would like to mention that I am a mom to a 6month old and still having an extra 15pds. I didn’t have before my pregnancy,making me 155 & 5′10" I think I am very attractive,most of all in the ways that I love my husband and love sex w/him, but this still hasn’t been enough to stop my man from having a wondering eye)when the love is off key the respect,honosty, and attention is off) it’s all about the source of the beholder, and what they choose to see and do.

By: Margaret K

Margaret K — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 22:33:57 +0000

I cant agree with everything that I have read ! A woman could be absolutley gorgeous and stunning and her man would still have wandering eyes. It’s just biology and primal instincts.

By: costillas

costillas — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 16:10:47 +0000

I agreed to your openion. It is true …that most man moves their eyes coz they cannot find anymore the figure 0r the beauty of the woman the have first seen from the woman they married. Sometimes, we married woman unknowingly take our marriage to our husband for granted. We think .we gave them thier offspring and that is it… thinking the children are the reassurance that our husband`s will not roll their eyes around. Of course our husband loves us and they are not stupid to think that wives who delivers children into this world will have the same figure when the first time they have met each other. It is up to us wives ….to look after ourselves: We have to make it sure that we wanted to feel good , to look attractive and to feel sexy not for ourt husband or for the other people in order to be abmired but for our own feeling. Respect and love to our selves counts a lot, if we do not have these , it will lead to distruction and sometimes we put our finger to our husband. I am a mother of 4 children. my second child is even severely handicap due to the human error of the maternity hospital here in my country (means a busy life) I am now going 46 yrs old this coming december ( Readers ,please don!t misunderstand me) of trying to boast myself ) but people who doesn`t know me personally, always miscaculate my age. Always , they thought .. my age just going thirty and not having a child yet. Of course my tummy is a bit loose but it is flat. Each one of us knows that motherhood will take away our beauty queen body and it is up to us to take care about it ( as long that we are not suffering from weight sickness) If we do it for ourselves, we will be successful but if we do it for the others ( like for our husband) we will be struggling. My children and my husband are so proud of me. I heard a lot of man complaining about their wives, even our best friend married to a sexy woman and now after one child, she is so big. She is surprised about me and as a friend I am trying to reach out to her in order to boast her self confidence and be at least back to where she was. She noticed it because they did not have the excitement of a good sex anymore and rarely they are doing it. Let us take care of ourselves.. if we give love and respect to ourselves …. we will acquire strong self confidence and then everything follows smoothly: There will be no way, the eyes of our husband will wander.

P.s excuse me, if my english is grammatically wrong written. English is not my mother tongue.

By: CCarter

CCarter — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 19:44:15 +0000

I think you kind of missed the point of the post. What I got from the author is that women need to stop trying to start taking pride in themselves and getting mad at the women or your man for looking at the other women. Which is why at the end she stated that you should, in so many words, give your man something to look at. She never stated that you need to work out, wear vickies or be a certain size. The author simply stated that you need to stop wearing clothes that are too big for you and that hide your figure. Start wearing clothes that show your curves. Take pride in yourself and don’t be ashamed of your figure. Yes, she stated that you need to stop complaining about your size and do something about it, but that’s what any good friend would say to another, if you aren’t feeling good about your size, shape for figure don’t talk about it do something about it.

By: Charles Orlando

Charles Orlando — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 21:30:43 +0000

Hi RegularJoe:

Thanks for commenting… but I’m not sure I follow your logic on how my post is is elitist. I’m not blaming men for everything; I merely stated the fact that if a man’s eyes wander, then he is making a choice… and that it’s not his wife’s/girlfriend’s fault that he is choosing that course. I continue and state that if men are unhappy in their current relationship (and that’s the reason their eyes are wandering), they might communicate with their partner, discuss it, and put some effort in.

By: RegularJoe

RegularJoe — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 12:17:44 +0000

This is just as bad as the referenced post. You've switched from blaming women for everything to blaming men for everything, and in this case the elitism starts before the first word of the post, right at the top of the page.

You'll start to find solutions instead of scapegoats when you start to look to what you can fix about yourself instead of what faults you can find in others.