I just read an article on MomLogic.com, and I must admit I’m disgusted, and feel bad for wives. For those not wanting to brave clicking the link, the gist of things is pretty evident by the title of the article:  My Guy Farts in Public. In response, I offer this short excerpt from my book The Problem with Women… is Men, wherein one of the four identified flaws of men is etiquette (or lack thereof):

Manners and gentlemanly conduct should be synonymous, but many of my brothers have missed this boat. Releasing a 15-second three-octave fart (in mixed company!)—one so foul it makes the dog leave the room—seems to be a standing goal with men of all ages,  9 to 90 (although I do not know how you would put that skill on a résumé). Men have discovered that a human being’s normal bodily functions can cover a multitude of offensive behaviors, and they compete for bragging rights across a wide range of “events”: gas (both ends), picking, chewing, scratching, adjusting, rubbing, and a seemingly endless concentration on volume (measured in both decibels and quantity). I wish I could understand why these activities trigger feelings of bonding for men, not to mention the jargon that accompanies these behaviors: the Dutch Oven (passing gas in bed and then suffocating your mate by pulling the covers over her head), the Dismount (action taken after a very loud belch or rear-end emission, resembling a gymnastics pose struck after finishing a routine), a Soprano (a man who passes gas with a sound that is high-pitched; also known as a Squeaker), ad nauseum. Take note, men: These habits are disgusting, offensive, and are not considered endearing to the women in your lives. Keys are not Q-Tips, nails should be clipped in private, whisker trimmings should be wiped off the sink, privates can be adjusted—as well as gas passed—in the lavatory, and ripped underwear and holey socks should be thrown away and replaced.