The wandering eye... is it the wife's fault?
Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 12:55PM 
I just read a really elitist, condescending post on MomLogic.com, and I had to comment. The gist: “It’s your own damn fault that your husband is looking at me. Here’s why he’s ogling me — and not you.”
After reading the full post and comments, I guess I’m a little perplexed. MILFmommy, the posting’s author, has it in her head that because she “works out like crazy” and that other mothers/wives have “let themselves go”, that men ogling her is not only normal, it’s to be expected. She goes on to place full blame on the “out-of -shape woman” for the entire situation… and that is where I have issue.
Did I miss the memo that states women need to be built like Victoria’s Secret models, and men can slip into a fashion coma without consequence? Some of what MILFmommy’s post states has some validity: taking pride in your appearance, shelving the unflattering “mommy pants”, exercise. But, in addition to the totally offensive tone in her post, she puts all the responsibility on the woman, and the man gets carte blanche to act/do what he wants. It’s the woman’s fault… and she needs to (once again) change herself to become acceptable to the man in her life.
Here’s the truth: Men have wandering eyes because they choose to, not because their wife has put on a few pounds. This is this same mentality that keeps women thinking they need to keep adjusting themselves in order to “satisfy their man”. Honestly… that is complete bullshit. Instead, why don’t men choose to be honest with their wife and communicate that they are dissatisfied with the state of their relationship, or the physical aspects of it, or whatever. Moreover perhaps men should ask themselves some self-effacing questions; perhaps then women will notice mens’ efforts and act accordingly.
Hey men:
- Do you engage in foreplay before you even enter the bedroom? (Not necessarily physically, but with words, gestures, body language, and atmosphere.)
- When was the last time you wrote her a love note?
- Do you give her flowers for no reason, or only as an apology?
- Do you think your wife is beautiful in the morning? Hair tousled or not… makeup on or not; the essence of her?
- Do you remember that your wife has needs, and that she’s counting on you as her partner to help her in fulfilling them—just as she does for you?
Charles Orlando | 5 Comments | Category: Arguments , Cheating, Dating, Divorce, Etiquette , Marriage, Media Influences, Sex, Training a Man | 1 Reference | Share Article | Send to a Friend 
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Reader Comments (5)
This is just as bad as the referenced post. You've switched from blaming women for everything to blaming men for everything, and in this case the elitism starts before the first word of the post, right at the top of the page.
You'll start to find solutions instead of scapegoats when you start to look to what you can fix about yourself instead of what faults you can find in others.
Hi RegularJoe:
Thanks for commenting... but I'm not sure I follow your logic on how my post is is elitist. I'm not blaming men for everything; I merely stated the fact that if a man's eyes wander, then he is making a choice... and that it's not his wife's/girlfriend's fault that he is choosing that course. I continue and state that if men are unhappy in their current relationship (and that's the reason their eyes are wandering), they might communicate with their partner, discuss it, and put some effort in.
I think you kind of missed the point of the post. What I got from the author is that women need to stop trying to start taking pride in themselves and getting mad at the women or your man for looking at the other women. Which is why at the end she stated that you should, in so many words, give your man something to look at. She never stated that you need to work out, wear vickies or be a certain size. The author simply stated that you need to stop wearing clothes that are too big for you and that hide your figure. Start wearing clothes that show your curves. Take pride in yourself and don't be ashamed of your figure. Yes, she stated that you need to stop complaining about your size and do something about it, but that's what any good friend would say to another, if you aren't feeling good about your size, shape for figure don't talk about it do something about it.
I agreed to your openion. It is true ...that most man moves their eyes coz they cannot find anymore the figure 0r the beauty of the woman the have first seen from the woman they married. Sometimes, we married woman unknowingly take our marriage to our husband for granted. We think .we gave them thier offspring and that is it... thinking the children are the reassurance that our husband`s will not roll their eyes around. Of course our husband loves us and they are not stupid to think that wives who delivers children into this world will have the same figure when the first time they have met each other. It is up to us wives ....to look after ourselves: We have to make it sure that we wanted to feel good , to look attractive and to feel sexy not for ourt husband or for the other people in order to be abmired but for our own feeling. Respect and love to our selves counts a lot, if we do not have these , it will lead to distruction and sometimes we put our finger to our husband. I am a mother of 4 children. my second child is even severely handicap due to the human error of the maternity hospital here in my country (means a busy life) I am now going 46 yrs old this coming december ( Readers ,please don!t misunderstand me) of trying to boast myself ) but people who doesn`t know me personally, always miscaculate my age. Always , they thought .. my age just going thirty and not having a child yet. Of course my tummy is a bit loose but it is flat. Each one of us knows that motherhood will take away our beauty queen body and it is up to us to take care about it ( as long that we are not suffering from weight sickness) If we do it for ourselves, we will be successful but if we do it for the others ( like for our husband) we will be struggling. My children and my husband are so proud of me. I heard a lot of man complaining about their wives, even our best friend married to a sexy woman and now after one child, she is so big. She is surprised about me and as a friend I am trying to reach out to her in order to boast her self confidence and be at least back to where she was. She noticed it because they did not have the excitement of a good sex anymore and rarely they are doing it. Let us take care of ourselves.. if we give love and respect to ourselves .... we will acquire strong self confidence and then everything follows smoothly: There will be no way, the eyes of our husband will wander.
P.s excuse me, if my english is grammatically wrong written. English is not my mother tongue.
I cant agree with everything that I have read ! A woman could be absolutley gorgeous and stunning and her man would still have wandering eyes. It's just biology and primal instincts.