Men are studs? Women are whores? Um… no.
Society has long dictated that men should be “studs” while remaining “happily married”. This oxymoronical viewpoint is apparently spoken from the same side of the mouth that says: “A man is “okay” in the eyes of society if he’s a playboy (whose main goal is to be loved and chased by women—and he scores), but any woman who sleeps with—or even just pursues—multiple partners is a slut, a whore, a tramp (and called a “bitch” by the men she doesn’t choose to sleep with). Obviously, men concoct these views; men that, if they had their way, would have women lie down as whores, and rise in their post-coital afterglow as virgins.
This kind of widespread dogma, seemingly ingrained in one of the frontal lobes of society, is a trap; a trap that keeps men emotionally-stunted (preventing most of them from achieving the greatness they were meant to realize), and keeps women meandering with no clear concept of their own self-esteem and sexuality. The truly sad thing is that boys and girls are inculcated with these views from early childhood.
While in high school, I read a study concerning parenting techniques, and the effects of verbal reinforcement on young children. The name of the study has been lost to time, but I will never forget the details. During the 1960s, fifty sets of parents and their children (50% boys, 50% girls) were placed in a private room and observed for 60 minutes through one-way glass. Creative materials were placed in the room for the children to play with—blocks, crayons, pens and paper. All of the children created some type of project, (e.g., a tower of blocks or a drawing). They then brought the finished projects to their parents to show them what they’d made. Of the 25 sets of parents with sons, 24 responded by telling the child, “Good job!” In contrast, all 25 sets of parents with daughters responded by saying, “Good girl!” The subliminal message was clear: When you perform a task as a man, you earn recognition, pride, self-satisfaction, and the feeling of reward that comes from the acknowledgment of a job well done. The girls performing the same task were taught something very different: Accomplishing something made them merely acceptable, not that they did anything to be proud of or of value.
Why the continued double standard?
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28 Responses to “Men are studs? Women are whores? Um… no.”
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Suzanne Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 2:58 pmI listen to my spouse,a 48 yo man, speak of women in his office as "the girls". The women range in age 30’s to 50’s. The males are ALWAYS addressed as the men in the office, even when the males are teen age laborers. I’ve asked him about it and the reply was "it doesn’t bother the girls." I’ve been trying to educate him to no avail.
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E Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 3:46 pmHonestly –
Get over it. (Most) women love being associated with all of the ‘girly’ things that come with being female and (most) embrace their female ‘weakness’ in a positive light.
I have had more than a few girlfriends in my day and many girl friends. Even the strongest-minded, die-hard feminists seem to have no problem batting their eyelashes to get what they want. I always find it funny when a woman complains of sexism and being sexually exploited – but then insists on wearing a low-cut, revealing blouse with a skirt that’s just a little too short and some very well done make-up. They are not doing it for the other women that are around, that’s for sure.
And even worse are the women who take terrible care of themselves, get no attention from men, and then complain that women who do are ‘whores’. You say that these guys who sleep around are not ’studs’ – but I guarantee that many of the same women who condemn them also want to bed them.
The reason that children are brought up this way is simple. Men are the dominant sex. No, we are not smarter. No, we are really not much better at many things (worse at most, I would claim). But the fact of the matter is that this is true, not only for our own species, but 99% of other species out there (black widows and praying mantis aside) I am not saying its fair – its just the way that nature intended it.
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Tina B. Tessina, PhD "Dr. Romance" Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 7:15 pmNice post, Charles! Yes these attitudes go back centuries, and changing them is a lifetime job. Women and men who challenge these archaic ideas must brace for the reaction, and keep standing up for equality. What the ‘men in power’ don’t realize is that they’re as trapped in their roles as the women are. I still see an inordinate number of women in my practice who want to be ‘taken care of’ — no matter the price. These roles are really infantile, and the people playing them are not really accepting their adult responsibility to be themselves. But, we’re making progress. Michele and Barack Obama are a lovely example for all to see.
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Felicia - I Complete Me Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 7:21 pmVery interesting. When my son does something I always say Good Boy. I hope I’m not sending him a bad message. I just want him to know he did something good.
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Diane Guercio Says:
July 7th, 2009 at 7:45 pmIt is funny- I remember a similar study that was a watershed moment for me. In this case, one infant was dressed up alternately as a boy and a girl- the cues to sex being only clothing, not behavior. The "boy" baby was related to more spatially; was handed tool-type toys (ball, plastic hammer) while the "girl" baby was praised for her looks and was interacted with much more verbally. The "girl" baby was consistently handed the doll toy. I tried to look up this study, and couldn’t specifically locate it, but was inundated with a slew of studies that reached similar conclusions.
How can society extricate what it calls typical boy behavior and typical girl behavior from what is actually taught to children when boys and girls are treated differently from the moment they are given that blue or pink knit cap in the hospital?
Does free will mean as much with such strong social mandates in place?
E, no wonder you have had more than a few girlfriends.
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Christie-The ChatterBox Says:
July 8th, 2009 at 10:44 amGreat post (as usual). I agree with pretty much everything everyone else said. Actually, even a little bit of what E said is kinda true…especially about how women view/feel about other women. Why do we tear ourselves…and each other down to get and keep the attention of men? It is a long road to reverse something that has been engraved in society since the dawning of time. I wish us all luck!
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FitDarcie Says:
July 15th, 2009 at 2:34 amGreat site! So glad I found it!
It does suck that there is the double standard and I think we are starting to move away from the stud/whore double-standard. I don’t agree with E that we should just accept it and become the roles society tells us to. I’m drop dead gorgeous and other maybe a dinner or two, my looks have gotten me f*ck all. Having been recently on the job market, I was actually concerned I might be TOO pretty (I’m an accountant). My life would be so much easier if I could bat my eyes and get something.
I don’t believe that society will change overnight though, and that these double standards will exist for my entire lifetime. I try to embrace it and see the positives in it…I’ll probably never mow a lawn or be required to change the oil in my car…and I’m fine with that. -
Frederica Bimble Says:
July 20th, 2009 at 1:43 pm"E" posted that "men are the dominant sex." Not true and not logical. There is no "dominant sex" – the two sexes are complimentary. To call one sex dominant is the mark of the limited thinker. The person who posted the comment could be easily identified – their socio-economic status, sex, age and a multitude of other characteristics can be deduced from their post. Most people tend to look at their own experiences and then apply it to the real world. What is interesting is, the bitterness of the post and the obvious irritation the person is feeling.
The reality is, girls and boys ARE treated differently and it is pointless. I agree with the writer of this article. Sex is just sex and when we create rules regarding what each sex is "allowed" to do, we limit the experience for everyone. Men cannot enjoy sex with a woman and then turn around and call her a whore. It just doesn’t make sense. -
chad Says:
July 23rd, 2009 at 6:59 pmyou interpreted the results of that test wrong.
the girls were told "good girl" as you said, right? why do you claim they were given no self worth or sense of accomplishment of whatever? why isn’t it that ALL 25 sets of parents gave them a sense of when you accomplish a task or do something good, you are seen as "good girl"… which then grows to being a "good woman"?
the reason guy are praised (BY SOME, not all) for bedding many women is because it’s not often a simple task to accomplish. this is why a man feels as though he’s accomplished something when he first start sleeping around. women can have no such sense of accomplishment for getting a high number of men to sleep with them because most will jump at the opportunity, even if she’s "just decent" looking.there’s a lot of things women truly don’t understand. there are many things guys don’t either, but the real ignorant people here are the women who believe they’re so mentally mature and have so much figured out, when in fact, they’ don’t at all. explainning why so many are miserable and suffer from various problems, most of which are broght about by their own errors. men aren’t that hard to figure out. generalizations about men can capute extremely high percentages of the male population when they’re things like "men want a respectable woman (meaning one who can’t really be classified as a whore/slut/etc), who’s honest, smart, supportive, good looking (and cares about how she looks… aka – works to maintain her beauty. not one who’s OBSESSED with it, but one who is aware of it’s importance), who know how to treat and speak to him, who also has her own passions…" and there’s more, but their all really basic things that should be automatic.
in any case, women themselves know that being promiscous isn’t right… is that not why they chasitzed men for centuries about it? or was it just because they were jealous of men?
no man would want to spend more than a sex session or two with a woman he’ll view as being so pathetic.
i’m sorry…. i tend to lose my patience when commenting on this issue due to the sheer frustration felt when such an easy and simple concept has eluded milliions for what seems like such a long time. frustration that women is respected and admired so much, have fallen from grace. my frustrations and anger come from the fact that i actually care, and fought against my own gender and blood, to protect women’s image for well over a decade… only to be betrayed by them later. reality is a very funny thing…
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thedailyblonde Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 3:40 amHey, "Chad"…first of all, you really try hard to sound like you know what you’re talking about here. However, it’s a dead giveaway that you are not a rocket scientist because you don’t even know how to capitalize the first letter in a sentence. My 2nd grader learned that two years ago.
You "fought against my own gender and blood" ? Your comment is just a rambling bunch of nonsense. I need to read it twice to even figure out what you’re muttering while you sit with your can of generic beer and watch old episode of Star Trek.
Anytime someone writes as much as you did about a subject such as this and then sum it up with the fact that you were betrayed by women speaks volumes. You are angry about something that happened to YOU and now you’re generalizing about all women.By the way, ‘Chad’…"and cares about how she looks… aka – works to maintain her beauty"…let’s see picture of you and how well you maintain your looks.
Hope you get to a happy place soon….and realize there’s much more to a woman than maintaining her beauty.
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thedailyblonde Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 3:55 amHey there "E" (does that stand for Ed, Eggbert, Eli, or Ego?)
Let me respond here to your comment…I hope Charles doesn’t mind that I’m going to be a bit wordy….I’ll use your reply as a template so I can respond accordingly. BTW I’m not a specialist at anything, this is just my humble opinion as a woman…
Honestly – ("E", why wouldn’t you be honest?)
Get over it. (Most) women love being associated with all of the ‘girly’ things that come with being female and (most) embrace their female ‘weakness’ in a positive light. (How do you know this…are you a woman? I love all things ‘girly’ but what the hell is a female weakness?? I know one weakness I don’t have…it’s being attracted to men like you.)
I have had more than a few girlfriends in my day and many girl friends. (‘in your day’?…so are your days over? It sounds like that might be a good idea. You wore out your welcome, I’m sure)
Even the strongest-minded, die-hard feminists seem to have no problem batting their eyelashes to get what they want. I always find it funny when a woman complains of sexism and being sexually exploited – but then insists on wearing a low-cut, revealing blouse with a skirt that’s just a little too short and some very well done make-up. They are not doing it for the other women that are around, that’s for sure. (you write this as if you are the first to bring this up. Such an idiot paragraph. I’m fairly sure the sock you stick in your pants to make you look like a sexual dynamo makes you feel so exploited when all the ladies call you Well Hung) (I happen to wear whatever I feel makes ME feel great…and of course, if we have a partner we want to look nice for them but most–normal–men want to do the same in return. Women INSIST on wearing low cut shirt? They insist on it? Oh yes….boobs are against the law. You don’t have to look if you don’t like it. Climb back in your cave.)
And even worse are the women who take terrible care of themselves, get no attention from men, and then complain that women who do are ‘whores’. You say that these guys who sleep around are not ’studs’ – but I guarantee that many of the same women who condemn them also want to bed them. (Do you take great care of yourself? If you did, you’d use your name here and then post a picture….lol….hopefully you’re not one of those guys who goes on a dating site and posts a magazine picture…because, oops, you forgot to take care of yourself.)
The reason that children are brought up this way is simple. Men are the dominant sex. No, we are not smarter. No, we are really not much better at many things (worse at most, I would claim). But the fact of the matter is that this is true, not only for our own species, but 99% of other species out there (black widows and praying mantis aside) I am not saying its fair – its just the way that nature intended it. (Even if I were a black widow spider I wouldn’t bite you….you’re the one with the poison. Men are the dominant sex? How so? I am NOT a feminist and I have very old fashioned values but this male/female dominance thing is pure ego.)
Bottom line, "E", women don’t really like you after they meet you so you’re pissed….and all washed up!
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chad Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 2:42 pmlisten "dialy blonde"
though i’ve dealt with some bad women and betrayal, i’m not stupid enough to be controleld by some sort of bias to make me deter women from being promiscuous. use critical thinking , and think about that for a second… why would i try to HELP the women if my past is controlling my words? you’re clearly not "the rocket scientist" for multiple reasons.
1) you don’t realize that men who get "burned" tend to take that anger out on the entire female gender by becoming players who just have sex with girls and treat them like trash
2) you think not capitalizing in an internet post has any baring on intelligence… when it clearly doesn’t… or maybe i should be stupid enough to attack you for you NAME being "thedailyblonde" and i shoudl talk about how you faield to capitalize the first letter of you name… see how stupid this is yet? judge the content
3) you can’t follow sentences if i’m "just rambling" and it takes you 2 times to read through it to understand anything.get your stupid "modern woman" feelings out of the way and acknowledge the facts… you know promiscuity is bad in general, but even worse for women. otherwise women wouldn’t tend to guard that information so vehemently.
fredrica,
you’re wrong about their not being a "dominant sex’. male is the dominiant sex. this is a fact, that starts from our physicality. women WANT to be led, regardless of the sophistry that many have been poisoned by. they gravitate towards strong men who can lead. they just don’t want to be FORCED to follow. but the fact of the matter is with humans male is the "dominant" sex. this isn’t anythign bad against women. being submissive or just "not the dominant one" is fine. dumbasses from the past twisted everything up to make women feel like they’re regarded as inferior just because they’re women… which is stupid. and makes no sense. BOTH are equally necessary to humanity. this is a fact. but it’s also a fact that men are the dominant ones.. or are supposed to be. when they aren’t… the relationships is usually terribel and fails. because even "a strong woman" doesn’t what a man that relies on her and makes her feel like he can’t stand on his own two feet, and she wants to feel as if she can depend on him if needed. she wants a "dominant male". dominant doesn’t always mean controlling.
ambiguity is the route to failure. boys and girls., and men and women are treatred differently, it DOES make sense, and it IS necessary. or would you lie and say you respect a man "as a man" when you see him acting feminine. or maybe you’d raise a boy to think it’s "perfectly ok" for him to play with barbie dolls and wear typically feminine colors above all others. maybe you’ll teach him that it’s prefectly fine to cry at the slightest thing? -
thedailyblonde Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 3:35 pmChad—
You spelled "daily" wrong—it’s not "dialy" but that does sound like a nice food of some sort.All kidding aside, Chad, you aren’t someone I care to argue with because you seem to be very angry and one sided. You got burned — who hasn’t — but carrying the torch forever is just plain lunacy. Move on. Put a band-aid on your burn and deal. Stop being a whining, crying, pathetic baby.
As far as me being blond, I’m brunette at the root of it all and the hair color doesn’t have a dammed thing to do with my intelligence. I didn’t capitalize thedailyblonde because it’s a screen name and I don’t have to! However, my real name is Cheryl and I do capitalize that. Stop trying to one-up me. I read your post twice because I needed oxygen to get through it with all of the mis-spellings and run-on sentences.
I’m not a modern woman by any means but I do know that you aren’t a modern, evolved man. Any human (man or woman) who writes "LISTEN" as the first word of a response is a jackass in my book. Maybe that’s just your style. I can see why you’re so charming and have had such success with women. I never said promiscuity is good and I don’t think it has a place in my life, but the old double standard is what we’re talking about here.
To each his/her own. Now, move along, Chad. There are free grammar/spelling classes held at your local adult learning center.
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chad Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 3:47 pmalso,
thedailyblone
i had forgot to address a few other things you said…
i’m well aware there’s more to a woman than her looks. only idiots don’t know that, and contray to what you think, i’m not an idiot. i’ve noticed that you’ve made it you objective to try to invalidate anything you don’t like that posted… and anything that doesn’t agree with you "feelings".
when posting, not everyone is following their ‘feelings" so i suggest you stop. some stuff posted are just facts.
why would you ask to see what i look like? i told you, i’m not an idiot… i know damn well that unless it’s a picture you think is bad or ugly you’ll just question whether it’s truly me or not… this IS the internet afterall. but even though i’m confident you won’t believe me, i’m 6′2", about 230 pounds, atheltic body type. i do try to keep mine up. over the last year and a half, i had gained about 30 pounds… when my girlfriend and i got together, i was about 210-215 lbs…. over the summer, dropped to 205 or so because the exercise i did. when i graduated and started working, and then became inconsistent in the gym thanks to her "needing" me to come see her while she was still in school so often, i ended up gainning weight.
i’m finally able to consider myself consistent again. i was as heavy as 240 lbs… that was last month… i’m now 230 lbs… and still working hard.
now, you casn reply while disbelieving me lol.
in any case, i’m a fairly good looking guy… or so i’ve been told lol….
you latched on to a point that you know to be true. a woman (as well as a man) should indeed try to keep up or maintain their physical appearance.furthermore, i was just stating the ideal for many men so i don’t see what you’re problem is.
even thouhg you claim not to be a feminist, your comments make you seemt to actually be that. i don’t see these old fashioned values you speak of. you’re very sarcastic and consdescending in your responses. and you sound very much like feminist i encountered back when i was still in college.
you quoted me and said it was nonsense when i said "i fought against my own gender and blood"… maybe you didn’t understand what that meant… it meant, i argued against other men in support of women, trying to stop them from calling women 9including yourself) hoes,bitches, sluts, tramps, etc. and also tried to deter them from "treating women like shit" and "being players" and such… my older brother was one of the people i argued against and tried to influence.
generic beer and star trek episodes? wow… where and when are you from? i’m sure you’ll say i’m young and try to pathetically use that to invalidate the points i’ve made if i tell you my age, but i’ll let you know i’m over 20 but under 30 years old. i was never interested in star trek as a kid…..
i also didn’t "try hard to make it seem that i know what i’m talking about"… that’s not necessary. i never claimed to be an expert on all of this, but a lot of things can be deduced through common sense… and my points stand on their own merits. which is why you don’t really address them, so much as you do me.
i don’t general ALL women – that’s stupid. any generalization knows without even stating that it’s not talking about each and every member of a group lol. it’s always interesting to me when people act like they don’t know this. even without mentioning it, there’s ALWAYS exceptions to the rule, unless otherwise specified. but you know what? for this one… i’d be willing to indeed say ALL WOMEN know it’s wrong… unless they have some serious "issues" going on with them… be it mental or chemical. everyone woman knows beng promiscuous is wrong. even if their in denial about it. the guilt so many feel tells the story. or… again, would you pass it to your daughter that it’s ok to sleep with many random men?
obviously not.
assumption? yup. reasonable? yup. justified? yup.you implying i’m doing something out of revenage… completely false.
but i’m done for now because this is pointless considerin i know what kind of response to expect from you already….
enjoy yourself… and good luck. -
The Truth Hurts... Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 5:44 pmI agree with E. I am a woman and I def use it to my advantage because that’s just the way society is and we can’t fight it. I love being a girly girl and a woman who drives men wild…married or not. Sorry but it’s the truth.
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chad Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 6:46 pmthedailyblonde,
you’re the one who’s angry… which is why you’ve been so sarcastic and condescending in each and every post you’ve made. i’m certainly not pathetic lol… and i’m not trying "one up" you lol. all i did is point out how silly you were being by getting on my back about petty things… sadly, this is exactly the type of things that annoy men into looking down on women… things like being petty.
see? i’ll do it again since you try to act like a foolish internet grammar nazi…. i’s blonde… not "blond"
now… by all means, go on and point out how dumb i am for showing you your own petty ways.
and excuse my "run-on sentences"… i thought i was making an internet post. i forgot i was in english class.believe it or not, i don’t care what color your hair is….
what the hel would be you definition of a "modern evolved man"? i’d surely like to know because it’s probably something i wouldn’t care to be anyway… the world is pretty f*cked up IMHO
care to be a hypocrite again? "i’m" the who appears to be one-sided… but you ‘re not? lol. i really don’t see the point of this claim to be honest… i’m one sided about… what exactly?
there you go again on your ridiculous and unture claim about my life lol. more assumptions… i have bad luck with women? i don’t recall saying that. i’m actually in a relationship and have been for the last 3 years. believe it or not, i’m actually a very nice guy and very good guy and i am actually charming… but you think you know it all… another annoying thing that annoys the hell out of men… when you actually appear to know every little. again… this is the internet. who the hell am i trying to charm? nobody. so i need to show you i’m charming because of what reason?
now.. the double standard is there for a reason. if ou try thinking for a moment… you’ll notice that women (in general, since certain kinds of people will think that means "all" for some retarded reason, if i don’t specify it for them), tend to prefer their partner to be sexually experienced…. more so than she actually is. this kind of pressure forces guys to seek multiple kinds of experiences. as i understand it, men are far more willing to "mold" their partner into a sex-goddess, than women are willing to "mold" their partner into a sex-god. there are also other factors too… like the fact that when guys are young and then realize how amazing the female body is, they don’t know how to act. part of this is because women develop their adult bodies earlier than men, so when many boys have the body of a teen, a girl has the body of a woman.
but again.. there are MANY factors to consider.in the end, it doesn’t matter because regardless, of the fact that it’s bad in general… it’s not ‘equally" bad. it’s worse for women. this would turn into another looong paragragh so i’ll quickly sum it up with the FACT, that having multiple sex partners is more dangerous for a woman than a man, simply by the amount of additional "complications" she can experience along with the higher likelihood of certain things that both can contract… such as yeast infections.
but of course, this will all be denied by some genius in denial… so do as you will (this actually isn’t directed at you directly… only if you fit the description does it apply).
and that’s fine… as long as you come off as what is a bitch in my book, i guess i’ll come off as a jackass. and please don’t take that the wrong way… what i’m trying to make you aware of, is that i tend to reciprocate the attitudes and such that i preceive from online entities…. i’ve repeatedly said that you came off as [frustratingly] sarcastic condescending, insulting, and you’ve been petty from the first post you addressed to me. that equals being a bitch in my book. you’ve said i appeared angry and one sided. and i guess that made me a jackass/asshole in you book. when i made my inital post, i went out of my way to aplogize for the way it may have sounded, and explained that i’ve had this conversation many times before and it gets frustrating explaining these concepts that i veiw as easy to understand (because it comes to me naturally), did i not? so if it wasn’t your goal to yeild the type of response i gave you, what was? you seem intelligent enough not to do such a thing by accident… so i assumed you didn’t purposely.
now Cheryl… you can move along. i hope you’ve looked in the mirror about some of your claims and have also realize that this is the internet, not english class. it’s a place where people DO make typos… where they DO sometimes write in all caps to emphasize a word or point ,etc., and where people type out grammar mistakes and run-on sentences as they often type, as if they were speaking.
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thedailyblonde Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 7:37 pmChad…please, you’re all over the place. End of conversation—and FYI "blond" is the correct spelling and I use "Blonde" on my site because supposedly someone out there made up the saying "dumb blond" so I thought I’d mis-spell it on my site on purpose.
No, this is not English or grammar class, Chad…and I make tons of mistakes…but if you want to be taken seriously, then write an opinionated piece that people can read. Punctuation, grammar and correcting most spelling errors is just something people do when they want to make an impression on line. We can’t see a face or an expression, so we rely on the written word and how it flows. At least I do. I don’t think I’m alone.
No hard feelings, Chad. I might be a bitch in your eyes (no offense taken) but I’d bet you’d never say that to my face
Have a great weekend and spend some time with your gal instead of blowing off steam here. Read Charles’ book…your girlfriend will enjoy it as well. It’s amazing!
C -
Charles Orlando Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 8:45 pmChad:
Interesting that my post has turned into a comment flame session… but I feel compelled to respond at this point. You are visiting my site… a site that is dedicated to equality between the genders, fueled by my research and book, The Problem with Women… is Men. You obviously haven’t read the book, but it speaks clearly about men needing to LISTEN more instead of rushing to judgement (among many other things). I would offer that you haven’t done that here with Cheryl (who is a great person and friend—-not a "bitch" as you have described above–and that is where you crossed the line in your comments and will not be allowed to respond/contribute to this site any longer.)
To continue:
In many of your responses above, you mention that men are the "dominant" gender, and cite physical prowess as the reason we are "dominant". To me, you sound like a high school bully, yelling at the kids on the playground that you have a bigger stick, which makes you "dominant". Not accurate. "Strength" and "Leadership" do not emanate from holding a bigger stick, they come from listening, joint action, communication, and knowledge. From your comments, it’s clear that you lack a complete understanding of what "dominance" and "leadership" truly entail.
But back to the original subject matter of this post. Having multiple partners isn’t "worse for women" as you state above. The only thing that makes it "worse" for them is that short-sighted, ego-centric men don’t want the woman that "belongs to them" sleeping around before they meet. This is the exact kind of man that wants to have sex with the proverbial virgin, with the skills of an experienced call girl. In short: not realistic.
Also, I’m not sure where you are getting your data/impressions from. I interviewed over 1,600 men and women to arrive at my conclusions…
As I mentioned above, thanks for your involvement up to this point, but I won’t allow my readers to be disrespected in this forum. We have standards of respect here… please find a different outlet.
Thanks,
Charles Orlando
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chad Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 10:07 pmthedailyblonde,
"I’m all over the place" because I wasn’t responding to your comments in the perfect order that you gave them.
fair enough on the online communicating, grammar, spelling, etc etc. the only gripe i really had is that you were attacking me for those things, while being what i described as, "a bitch" towards me. I chose to describe the behavior that way, if I’m to be "a jackass" and such. I wasn’t actually trying to call you one. if I was, I would do it more directly… and if we were in person, and you spoke to me the same way you did, i would speak to you the same way as well.
To me, it’s only fair. Guys get called all sorts of names by girls whether it’s in person or not, but there’s this idea that seems to still exist that anytime a guy calls a girl out of name, that he’s the world’s worst being out there. that’s a doubel standrd too, but no one cares about that.
my entire gripe about equality and such, is that people only like to really care when they preceived disadvantaged group is the one who’s being treated "unfairly".
if you ask me, in a weird way, being able to call a person out of name, and they call you out of name, is a sign of equality or respect. sure, it’s not respectful to call a person out of name… but if you can call me out of name, and i can call you out of name without us becoming overly "offended" then there’s a sign of equality, if nothing else. if one must always coddle the feelings of the other, even though that "other" can call that
ne" anything they want… it’s a sign of "inequality" because the "other’ must be baby-ed to a certain degree.which brings me to Charles,
i apologize for the part i played in the "flame session"
but i notice that you stuck right by the woman that you refer to as a friend. if you re-read what i said, waht was typed was typed to prove a point. along with is the fact that i didn’t call her a bitch. is said she was being one "in my book…". being an bitch doesn’t mean one IS a bitch. just like being an asshole doesn’t mean one IS an asshole. or the fact that a person told a lie doesn’t mean that they ARE a liar. "liar" "bitch" and "asshole" (and other names as well) are labels that we apply to people when they continually exhibit a particular type of behavior or set of behaviors that yield that label.i don’t know how you arrive at the conclusion that your people are being disrespected when the first stone that was cast was one that hit me, not her. it’s a very biased course of action that you’re taking.
it’s true that i haven’t read the book yet. just like you probably will not read mine when i get around to finally writting it. and maybe i need to read before i can decided eevrything, but i can tell you that my initial thought to tthe problem with women is men is… "BS".
we’re both the problem.. and that works in "the problem with men" too. only god knows where that problem truly began between men and women… even though if you believe in god, then you can probably rationalize this probelm WAAAAY back to the beginning, where the problem if one must chose between man or woman, was woman, who made the first mistake… but that’s a religious conversation that’s not worth it at the moment.
in any case, even the old system where a man went out oand worked and the woman stayed at home and tended the house… that didn’t break down just because of one gender. BOTH genders, amond other things (liek wars and such), contributed to the ultimate breakdown of that old lifestyle.
point the finger at one gender is a cop-out. pointing the finger at others, instead of oneself is a cop-out 9 times out of 10…. or at least, only doing that is. whenever we have problems, it’s up to us to look within too, and figure out if maybe there’s something we ourselves missed, or screwed up. not enough people do this. men don’t do it enough, and neither do women.
the real problem seems to be though, that many women refuse to take responsiblitiy to accountability to things they should. one of the things i read that made the most sense to me was something that point out that those are some VERY strong reasons why "men don’t respect women".
in any case, i’ve admitted that i haven’t read the book. if you mention any of those things, and the book isn’t merely what it sounds like based on the title then i apologize for saying things you already know and touched on in the book.
if you chose to disallow my comments any further, that’s fine… it’s your site and whatnot… and i will have wasted my time and everything but there’s nothing that can be done.
but in the end, i see you are very similar to her or maybe even what you believe to be me. you made assumptions about me and anyone else who said "there’s a dominant sex" etc etc. you judged what you saw and jumped to a conclusion about the poster. sure, you have your research but does that automaticaly decided that anything you concluded from your research is automatically more true? no, it does not. it only means that you have you reasons and support for your conclusion. you don’t know where the poster got their information or why/how they came to their conclusion (which you admit).
nevertheless, you take a position at the top, while looking down at all the posters before you and declare that they lack understanding. trying to establish that there’s isn’t a ‘dominant’ sex, is nothing more than sophistry at work. it doesn’t mean that one is necessarily "better" or more important that the other… only more dominant. and i think life has made it clear that men are mroe dominant. even if that comes from something "simple", like the fact that they tend to be the more aggressive sex.
now, which is more important, is a completely different story. arguments can probably be made equally on both sides, as both genders are necessary to human life. but i dare to argue that wmen are more important actually.
and again, even if it ultimately boils down to very simple things, it’s still worse for women to sleep aroudn than it is men. i don’t mean to be disrespectful to you, but the fact that you interviewed hundreds upon hunderds of people doesn’t prove anything. people lie, people accidently misinform (due to not being conciously aware of things themselves), and other possiblities too. so it’s not limited to the reasons you breifly supplied, even though i acknowledge that those reasons can play a part, of be the the part in its entirety for some people. but the fact remains…. it’s worse for women.
i’m trying to refrain from reasons that are generally true, but often denied by many people so i’m trying to stay away from the emotional and mental issues surrounding sleeping around. but the reason i supplied earlier still remains. and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
men who readily accept women sleeping around generally do so because it’s easier for them to score with women that way. but deep down they know it’s no good, which is when they almost never want to stay with that woman. and like in i believe, my first post, virtually no one would try to past this errored way of thinking on to their daughters.
the state of the world gradually slipping more and more into chaos is another tip off. the world is moving towards the ambiguity of genders, and also moving even faster toward chaos… it’s not a coincidence.
as women continually try to do EVERYTHING that men do, the population gets more and more out of hand, more babies have babies even though we have all the technology and knowledge available to us in the world, and the world gets worse. it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to notice these things.
but again no disrespect inteded to you or Cheryl. i just disagree, and have my reasons for doing so too.
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thedailyblonde Says:
July 24th, 2009 at 11:18 pmPhew! I’m exhausted. Long winded response from Chad but I think he was trying to say something along the lines of…well, I’m not sure but I do know that when he "gets around to" writing his book, he’s going to need a good editor. Hey, Charles, do you think he’ll hire me?
Great topic that really turned into something about nothing.
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AM Says:
August 6th, 2009 at 8:22 amOMG…shut up Chad… Plain and simply…men want their women to be pure virgins and are upset by the fact that they were not the only ones that had her..Its all an ego thing.. Why should women have to accept a man sleeping with several women…what If I see my man’s sharing of his body as something sacred as well and I want him to preserve it…Am I just to say ah well .. NO…
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Anonymous Says:
August 12th, 2009 at 7:41 pmThe double standard and disrespect to women has to go among many other things. If we are going to label women whores for sleeping with many men then men on the opposite should be labeled the same. The society shouldn’t accept that it’s ok to sleep with many people and glamorize it, but it shouldn’t demonize it either and should teach tolerance, understanding and respect to everyone no matter how many people this person has slept with ; even, if you think that it’s wrong and immoral (like I do) it still doesn’t give me the right to disrespect that person and treat him/her like crap just, because of that. I was born and raised in the former USSR and I was always told that no matter what treat the woman like you would treat a fellow armed man; with respect no matter what. And I still do. And any man that sleeps with a so called ‘whore’ can’t think that he is a better person of the 2 because he is a man. He is on the same level as her. If you don’t like that woman, because of her sexual behavior than don’t sleep with her and , if you do then treat her respectfully, enjoy her company and then leave, if that’s the case. And if you feel better about yourself by disrespecting a woman and think that makes you a better man then you are a dirtbag and have no place in the civilized world. I have met many people ever since I came to the US and have met prostitutes, strippers and ‘whores’ didn’t sleep with any of them but always treated treat them all with respect. And as for women doing what they do it’s their choice they have that RIGHT. Respect that. Hope someone listens.
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Reggie Says:
September 12th, 2009 at 9:23 pmHow does it feel to be a self-hating faggot?
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Charles Orlando Says:
September 12th, 2009 at 9:27 pm@ Reggie – Thanks for proving my point. In your short statement, you just showed that you are the EXACT type of man that the women I’ve spoken with detest.
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Bomb Says:
September 13th, 2009 at 8:28 amWomen continuously choose men who sleep around. It is the women who respect and seek men who sleep around a lot. That is why it’s considered a good thing. Most men prefer women who do not sleep around, unless they are desperate losers, that is why it’s considered a bad thing. If women went for guys who had the least sexual partners, then men would strive to be virgins.
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Shay Says:
September 16th, 2009 at 4:35 amWow! I was searching teh question: "are their were men who don’t pride themselves on being dirtbags?".. What a hilarious and over zealous discussion I came upon. Chad, although I think some of your opinions are misguided and come from a short span of life experience, I can almost see where you are coming from periodically. (Though I am with Cheryl that the typos and grammatical errors are distracting and definitely bring your intellect – and consequentially your opinion – into question)
Cheryl, I am with most of your comments, but you cannot discount that some of what Chad says holds a lot of truth to it (whether that is fair and appropriate or not)
All I know for sure is – I have got to read this book!!!
In all honesty, I am sure that women cause much of man’s angst and men cause most of a woman’s angst. We are two seperate genders with different faults and strengths for a reason.
I will say this re: "dominance"… Sometimes a big dumb dog will lead a pack – not because he is the most intelligent or the greatest hunter, or even the most fertile…No, he will lead simply because he forces his weight around and others fall for the act. Being "dominant" or even perceived as such really doesn’t mean anything in an intelligent, enlightened society. Maybe one day if we live in one, we will all understand that.
I wonder how a run of the mill hermaphrodite would feel about this issue? -
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