Charles makes an interesting point when he says, "Men and women who cheat are betraying their spouse… but they would never betray their friends in that way—which is the source of my confusion." There is a certain culture of "bros before hos" that permits men to do unspeakable things to their significant others that they would never do to their friends. This smacks of misogyny and makes me wonder if there's a lot more hatred toward women out there than society likes to acknowledge.

My only bone to pick with this post (and it's a small one) is that I don't think cheating online is more damaging than cheating in the real world. Actually, I think it might be somewhat less damaging. While some people who only know each other online DO become deeply attached, I think many more use the distance that the Internet creates as a means of depersonalizing the interaction. Since there is no interaction in the real world, the person on the other side of the cyber wall can safely remain a fantasy. In truth, if the cheater were to meet the object of his/her affection, the chemistry so easily generated through a modem might indeed prove to be just a fantasy.

In contrast, face-to-face cheating represents a real-world threat. The third party isn't just a figment of the cheater's imagination but a real person who is actively involved in the cheater's life. And, whatever anyone might say, I believe that sexual infidelity is always worse than emotional infidelity. Emotional infidelity is like flirting with the edge of a cliff; sexual infidelity is stepping off it. When a relationship becomes sexual, that's the point at which the promise to "forsake all others" is irrevocably broken. If there was any question before about whether the flirtation was an affair, there isn't once sex enters into it, not to mention that sexual infidelity has the added effect of exposing one's primary partner to health risks that are never present with just emotional unfaithfulness.

I think that whether or not to be monogamous is a choice. If one is going to be polyamorous, fine, but be honest and up front about it with someone so that if they are monogamous they can choose to be with someone else; it's only fair (and vice versa). I don't think it's ever OK to use evolution or biology as an excuse for betraying someone. If someone is tempted (which again is something I'll never really understand myself but I recognize that it does happen for most people), get away from the temptation as soon as you can and get back to the one you love and have built a relationship with…or, think of your partner when you see someone you're attracted to and remember who and what you could be losing if you decide to betray them.

I will never understand either why people forgive cheaters…most cheaters who get away with it will do it again: some could reform, but not most…and plus if someone has physically cheated there's a chance that they could have gotten an STD and could give it to you, so it's dangerous (physically) to your health to stay with someone who could literally make you sick. And if they say that it "meant nothing to them"….what if it *did* mean something to the other person? Imagine how that other person feels. Or, what if the cheater says the same line to the other person–that *you* mean nothing? I think it's better just to part ways, maybe be friends if the person is truly sorry once you have healed from it (though it's not always possible). Plus, the trust will be permanently damaged. I think sometimes people are so afraid of being alone that they're willing to take back someone who isn't right for them and thus they close themselves off to someone who could really love them.