‘Research/Studies’ Category
Should a Woman’s Success Destroy Her Marriage?
January 6th, 2010
Married couples’ fights most often surround three main issues: sex, kids and money. And regardless of who the breadwinner is, money fights always come back to one issue: control.
Take Melissa (name changed), a participant in my research for The Problem with Women… is Men, and a top executive at an advertising firm in New York. When she met Bryan—the man who would become her husband—they were both in middle management earning roughly the same salaries; he at his job, and she at hers.
However, through a lot of effort and natural talent, Melissa’s career hit its stride. After several years of working 60+-hour weeks, she broke through the Glass Ceiling and became a highly respected and well-paid senior executive. Taking over the firm as president was then a very real possibility on the horizon. But as her status, influence, and paycheck grew, her marriage began to deteriorate. She attempted to work on their relationship, but Bryan seemed to become uninterested, citing trivial issues as his reasons for his discontent.
In addition to having to pick up the slack because of Melissa’s long work hours—something many women must do by default—Bryan was genuinely threatened by her rapid advancement and success. After a year in marriage counseling, they divorced. Bryan, like so many other men, had his masculinity built on all the wrong things, and his ego couldn’t handle that she was building something for herself; in this case, a solid career with her as the major bread-winner.
Flings, Affairs, and Online Infidelity
November 11th, 2009
Recently, I’ve been asked a lot of questions (via email) regarding infidelity… from both men and women. And as there are many new visitors to this blog (men) attempting to discern what my message is, allow me to make it clear: Men and women both cheat. Their motivations are very different (and you can read that article here), but cheating is still cheating… period.
First off, allow me to state that monogamy isn’t for everyone. In fact, many argue that it’s not a “natural state” for men. In many ways, I think those people are right. DNA-wise, both genders are driven by primal instincts to continue our species, not concentrate on the sanctity of marriage. However, humans now claim to be civilized… and if a person decides to delve into the world of commitment, marriage and fidelity, they should hold to the ideals that accompany that choice. However, that doesn’t seem to hold true in today’s world of disposable marriages.
Read the rest of this entry »
Cheating is a CHOICE…
October 12th, 2009
The age-old question: What makes a person in a marriage or committed relationship cheat? Despite what a guest on today’s Tyra Banks Show wants to say (that there is a cheating gene), the real answer depends on whether you’re talking about a woman or a man. Several infidelity studies have found that men and women who are cheating on their spouses gave different reasons to justify their extramarital affairs.
Cheating was one of the subjects I covered with over 1,200 women and 400+ men in my research for The Problem with Women… is Men; the results were fascinating. Aside from infidelity being identified as one of the four core flaws in men (as discussed in my book), the sad truth is that being caught—albeit subconsciously—was evidently the long-term goal. Allow me to elaborate: