‘Training a Man’ Category
The Guys’ Code
January 19th, 2010Read the rest of this entry »
Over the past year (since my book was first published), the list of negative nicknames I’ve been called—as well as the amount of hate mail in my inbox—has grown. The vast majority of these idioms and flamemails are written by men (I’ll address my opinion on their motivations in a different article), but they all share a common thread. Either I’ve: 1) Broken the Guy’s Code; 2) I’m a feminist/misandrist or a “Beta Male” (which they mean as a wimpy, watered down version of a man; or 3) I’m patronizing/sucking up to women in order to (and I quote) “tell them what they want to hear, so I can get laid after a book signing.”
Should a Woman’s Success Destroy Her Marriage?
January 6th, 2010
Married couples’ fights most often surround three main issues: sex, kids and money. And regardless of who the breadwinner is, money fights always come back to one issue: control.
Take Melissa (name changed), a participant in my research for The Problem with Women… is Men, and a top executive at an advertising firm in New York. When she met Bryan—the man who would become her husband—they were both in middle management earning roughly the same salaries; he at his job, and she at hers.
However, through a lot of effort and natural talent, Melissa’s career hit its stride. After several years of working 60+-hour weeks, she broke through the Glass Ceiling and became a highly respected and well-paid senior executive. Taking over the firm as president was then a very real possibility on the horizon. But as her status, influence, and paycheck grew, her marriage began to deteriorate. She attempted to work on their relationship, but Bryan seemed to become uninterested, citing trivial issues as his reasons for his discontent.
In addition to having to pick up the slack because of Melissa’s long work hours—something many women must do by default—Bryan was genuinely threatened by her rapid advancement and success. After a year in marriage counseling, they divorced. Bryan, like so many other men, had his masculinity built on all the wrong things, and his ego couldn’t handle that she was building something for herself; in this case, a solid career with her as the major bread-winner.
The Saturday Guy
August 14th, 2009
When first dating, men usually go above and beyond in their efforts to listen, please, and participate — romantically, physically, and monetarily. However, once they have put in the initial effort and their needs start being met, behavior changes and the effort they’ve been putting in slows. Often, men then start providing the bare minimum required, leaving women wondering what the hell happened, and why he is putting in less and less (as she started putting more into the relationship to compensate). Nowhere is this more glaring than on weekends.
If a man works all week, most often he looks his best Monday through Friday — shaven, pressed, combed, and spritzed with pleasant scents. And if Friday brings date night, that effort might stay at the forefront. But then,
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